i wonder if there is something wrong with me...

...and that's sad if there is. coz all this time, i think there's something wrong with these guys im dating.

with this book that my friend let me borrow, Get Anyone To Do Anything, it provides very useful insight into the human psyche. im going back to my past posts to see what i've done and what i'm thinking at that time. it just proves that because i so love mr D, i've always been there for him. he, on the other hand, may not be in love with me (even though he says he is) so the mere fact that im always here makes him take me for granted. i also get more scared that i might lose him so i make myself even more available. which now, i can tell, has the opposite effect.

so what now? i really...as in REALLY...have to suck it up and not be there all the time for him. i need distractions. i need a real job. this school thing that im doing is not enough to keep me occupied. im still home and my computer and phone are so accessible that i always tend to log in and look for him and his online accounts.

let me see if i can list the possible things that i can do in addition to studying for my upcoming state exam.

1. look and apply for local jobs
2. sign up at the local gym so i can go whenever without having to drive so far
3. join several meetup groups in my area
4. volunteer in my neighborhood
5. run/walk around my neighborhood
6. setup get together parties with friends
7. plan for my future business activities
8. stop logging in to facebook, twitter and yahoo to see if he's on...and unsubscribe to his posts
   

is that enough distractions? i hope so.

at this point that i think i may have already lost mr D's interest in me, it may be a good thing to try being inaccessible. but when i do become accessible or available, i should make him feel that i still do like him. another tip that the book mentioned is to not tell your significant other that "you can't live without them" or that "they're your world" because that gives them all the power. instead, use objective terms like, "you are a very likable person" or "you are someone that people could love very easily". by using objective terms, it's a win-win situation because you feel good about telling him that he is likable and handsome and what not and he feels good about himself as well.

*sigh* i really hope this works. if it does, the book mentioned that once the other person gets to your level, the more you do for him and the more you become available, the more he'll fall in love with you. i have a very good feeling that the book is right about this...at least based on my experience. when i give someone a "chance" and make myself available only when it's convenient for me, that's when they hound me more. so...i'll drink to this effort! and i'll update myself in a week or so to see if anything's changed.