i like the words to this song.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
i feel like a loser
i think that's why i feel even more sad today. i feel like i trusted someone and turned a blind eye on the signs that he may just not be that into me. and even though he was in the beginning, that's an even bigger sign...since i've dated people before that are so infatuated with me or the idea of being with me but once they have me, and see a flaw, they drop me. i think sometimes people have this weird idea of me being perfect, which i'm totally not. and when they see that i'm not, the effect is almost instant...and i can sense it. i'm just dumb enough to fall for it over and over again...it's my life trap.
if it wasn't for deutsche, i'd be really stuck in my own demise. i'm looking forward to seeing him next week. i hope we click as friends so we can build a strong foundation.
if it wasn't for deutsche, i'd be really stuck in my own demise. i'm looking forward to seeing him next week. i hope we click as friends so we can build a strong foundation.
sad day
not a very good day today. i'm only on my first exam for the day. been thinking about mr D a lot today.
*update* 6pm same day
just found out (from twitter) that mr D restarted his formspring...and it's retroactive, just like facebook. so i guess he deactivated it but didn't tell me it could be reactivated. so much for trusting him that he doesn't care about online social networks when he updates his status on his 2 facebook accounts and twitter at the same time, has a myspace and now a reactivated formspring. i am so hurt right now and it couldn't have come at a better time than today -- i deleted him from twitter and removed him as a follower.
i actually shed a tear while listening to heather hedley's song i wish i wasn't.
note to self: DO NOT DATE SOMEONE WHO ENJOYS ATTENTION FROM PEOPLE HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW OR HAVEN'T EVEN MET
*update* 6pm same day
just found out (from twitter) that mr D restarted his formspring...and it's retroactive, just like facebook. so i guess he deactivated it but didn't tell me it could be reactivated. so much for trusting him that he doesn't care about online social networks when he updates his status on his 2 facebook accounts and twitter at the same time, has a myspace and now a reactivated formspring. i am so hurt right now and it couldn't have come at a better time than today -- i deleted him from twitter and removed him as a follower.
i actually shed a tear while listening to heather hedley's song i wish i wasn't.
note to self: DO NOT DATE SOMEONE WHO ENJOYS ATTENTION FROM PEOPLE HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW OR HAVEN'T EVEN MET
Friday, May 21, 2010
my other option
One extreme option that i'm considering is going back to school.
First step, i applied for FAFSA, which is the free application for student aid last monday. Voila! I got approved! Next steps...i gotta figure out some more stuff.
Be back for some more info.
First step, i applied for FAFSA, which is the free application for student aid last monday. Voila! I got approved! Next steps...i gotta figure out some more stuff.
Be back for some more info.
partly my fault (last post about mr D, hopefully)
looking back at my past postings on here...i guess this whole thing that happened to me is partly my fault...unfortunately. mr D, in the past, has always been wishy washy. i ignored the signs. his personality was already showing then, but i turned a blind eye, maybe hoping it will get better. maybe because he misled me too that he might change? i dunno...maybe.
for reasons i really won't know anymore...i dunno why he would still want to hold on after i broke up with him. he said he didn't want it to end. i asked him to prove it to me but he doesn't even know where to start. so it is for my best benefit that i completely let him go because if i were in his shoes and someone is already throwing himself at my feet, i would try to do whatever it takes to keep that person from leaving me again...if i love that person.
i guess he says he loves me, but he really doesn't.
did i love him? absolutely. but if i'm not gonna be loved in return, there is no point staying in that relationship. i can be a martyr for some other purposes...but not when it comes to an intimate relationship. it has to be a two-way thing....no matter what happens.
p.s. in reference to my previous post on "a better day"...i SHOULD NOT contact him to apologize. i think i've done that enough. there...i got it down in writing. if i do otherwise...if anyone's reading this, please slap me. thank u. lol.
for reasons i really won't know anymore...i dunno why he would still want to hold on after i broke up with him. he said he didn't want it to end. i asked him to prove it to me but he doesn't even know where to start. so it is for my best benefit that i completely let him go because if i were in his shoes and someone is already throwing himself at my feet, i would try to do whatever it takes to keep that person from leaving me again...if i love that person.
i guess he says he loves me, but he really doesn't.
did i love him? absolutely. but if i'm not gonna be loved in return, there is no point staying in that relationship. i can be a martyr for some other purposes...but not when it comes to an intimate relationship. it has to be a two-way thing....no matter what happens.
p.s. in reference to my previous post on "a better day"...i SHOULD NOT contact him to apologize. i think i've done that enough. there...i got it down in writing. if i do otherwise...if anyone's reading this, please slap me. thank u. lol.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
a better day
Today is a better day. I don't feel as bad as yesterday. I guess i really need to be strong and hold off on contacting mr D...whether it's to apologize or to let him know we should just be friends. It's healthier this way so i can try to focus on the more important stuff...mainly, my job and the direction i want to take with my life.
On a different note, deutsche agreed to fly here from orlando on june 3rd. He already booked his flight. Something new and something exciting to look forward to.
On a different note, deutsche agreed to fly here from orlando on june 3rd. He already booked his flight. Something new and something exciting to look forward to.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
putting my love life aside
i think i have to put my love life aside for a while so i can concentrate on other parts of my life. lately, my decisions are mainly driven by my desire to be with someone. i have to get back to my old self where even though i'm alone, i was okay. i should feel complete as one person...but if i find someone, that person will complement my life and be a nice little cherry on top of the jake ice cream. it felt good to be in love for a little while, but i kinda realize the dangers of letting go of oneself completely. i guess i wasn't prepared for that.
i do need to get my mind off things. jello, that guy i wrote about who said he's missed me all this time, actually volunteered to take me away somewhere. not sure yet where we could go, but maybe somewhere local. we'll see how it goes.
i do need to get my mind off things. jello, that guy i wrote about who said he's missed me all this time, actually volunteered to take me away somewhere. not sure yet where we could go, but maybe somewhere local. we'll see how it goes.
the final convos
me: u just made me realize that i can't keep investing any more feelings on someone who's very uninterested in my life. i've been very sad lately and i don't see u trying any harder at making me feel less sad. i want to move on with whatever pride i have left. i gave up my body, my heart, my soul, my all. but u don't seem to value any of that.
mr D: i love u jake...but it amazes me that u say that i dont care.. i know that i have to work on a lot.. but regardless on what i do it's never enough coz u always seem to remind me that my trying is not enough. u expect a lot more out of me...and i guess it's because i don't show enough emotion or responsiveness but that's partly coz im not good at it (anymore)...i lost that these past couple of years...but that's not an excuse...and im sorry...i think that i cause u more sadness than happiness and that saddens me...because honestly that's the last thing i want to do.
me: its not an excuse that u dont know how, coz u do know how. u have been doing it before i went to vegas. how rayray is now is how we were before. something changed and u dont wanna admit it. u say one thing, but u act another way. u say u love me, but u say u dont know what u can do to show me when all u needed to do was get me a plastic ring when i was there as a symbol of that love and "engagement". u say u miss me but u haven't even talked to me abt when we're gonna meet again. u think a long distance relationship is a simple, no expectations thing...but no expectations don't mean ur not gonna do anything either. i've given up so much time for u, talking and stuff for hours while ur at work but on ur days off u can't even fit me in a 5 min phone call, but rather just text. u told me on text that i better tell everyone im yours, coz u r telling everyone, but when i "professed" my love for u on ur fb page, u didn't even acknowledge it. u think ur interested in my life, but u didn't even listen to the songs i posted on my page that was meant for u, for us. u say u sacrifice a lot, but u would spend 6 hours and sacrifice sleep making a friend something special for his bday...how i wished u couldve helped me with setting up my event like u said u would even for maybe an hour or less. this guy i dated over 2 years ago msgd me that he has missed me all this time, i only wished i have that effect on u just like before i came to vegas. so many opportunities for u to show me u love me and miss me, but im tired of waiting for it to come...u haven't even wondered why i never left clothes at ur place even though i mentioned i would. *sigh* i hoped for so long that when i talk to u, it would be like before, that u would get excited and happy i called instead of being an emotionless person u r now...but i can only hope...
mr D: i love u jake...but it amazes me that u say that i dont care.. i know that i have to work on a lot.. but regardless on what i do it's never enough coz u always seem to remind me that my trying is not enough. u expect a lot more out of me...and i guess it's because i don't show enough emotion or responsiveness but that's partly coz im not good at it (anymore)...i lost that these past couple of years...but that's not an excuse...and im sorry...i think that i cause u more sadness than happiness and that saddens me...because honestly that's the last thing i want to do.
me: its not an excuse that u dont know how, coz u do know how. u have been doing it before i went to vegas. how rayray is now is how we were before. something changed and u dont wanna admit it. u say one thing, but u act another way. u say u love me, but u say u dont know what u can do to show me when all u needed to do was get me a plastic ring when i was there as a symbol of that love and "engagement". u say u miss me but u haven't even talked to me abt when we're gonna meet again. u think a long distance relationship is a simple, no expectations thing...but no expectations don't mean ur not gonna do anything either. i've given up so much time for u, talking and stuff for hours while ur at work but on ur days off u can't even fit me in a 5 min phone call, but rather just text. u told me on text that i better tell everyone im yours, coz u r telling everyone, but when i "professed" my love for u on ur fb page, u didn't even acknowledge it. u think ur interested in my life, but u didn't even listen to the songs i posted on my page that was meant for u, for us. u say u sacrifice a lot, but u would spend 6 hours and sacrifice sleep making a friend something special for his bday...how i wished u couldve helped me with setting up my event like u said u would even for maybe an hour or less. this guy i dated over 2 years ago msgd me that he has missed me all this time, i only wished i have that effect on u just like before i came to vegas. so many opportunities for u to show me u love me and miss me, but im tired of waiting for it to come...u haven't even wondered why i never left clothes at ur place even though i mentioned i would. *sigh* i hoped for so long that when i talk to u, it would be like before, that u would get excited and happy i called instead of being an emotionless person u r now...but i can only hope...
closure
i was gonna give it a week...and stay true to my word. but tonight is the last straw...and im not gonna waste any more time. i'll consider tonight my closure of this very sad chapter of my life.
i gave my body, my heart, my soul, my all. but it's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. :((
i gave my body, my heart, my soul, my all. but it's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. :((
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
my life may not be as interesting
one way that mr D could show that he's into me is to show some interest in my life. how? umm...hello...facebook?
i don't buy the excuse that he's not into facebook and other social networks when he updates his status on all 3 sites at the same time. so when i comment on his facebook and don't get a response, especially when the comment was directed at him, i feel like i'm being ignored. am i wrong to feel that way? i don't think there's a right or wrong answer to that question. it's just how i feel, so what? so if he's into me, he should try to not make me feel that way. that's my take on it.
he got home around 1am last night. before he even called, he was asking how late i'm staying up coz he needed to do something for his friends. what am i? second rate again? i would've appreciated it more if he called me for even less than 5 minutes, be real, be genuine that he wanted to spend that 5 minutes with ME, and tell me after that he'll have to hang up so he can finish what he needs to do. then i'd be okay. i won't feel ignored becoz he thought about me first. but he called me almost at the time i said i was gonna try to sleep, but he wasn't just talking to me. he was talking to me, talking to a friend and doing his friend's thing. that's not the type of attention that i want. i don't want to listen to him breathe as he's doing his stuff. i want to talk, even for 5 minutes...about us, about the future, about something.
he didn't sleep til 7am this morning, even though he has a meeting at 1pm today. why? he stayed up that long to finish that invitation he needed to do for his friend. i wish he would spend time like that to do something special for me. then maybe, i'll know for sure that he is into me and i can get back with him.
i'll see how he is with me on his days off this week. last week, he called on thu evening but it was so hard to talk to him. i told him we'll talk later since he's off. but he didn't allot any time for us to talk that friday and/or saturday. what i want to see this week, on his days off, is if he would try to call me some time -- during the day, afternoon or evening. that's one gauge for me that he can balance his time with his friends and his time with me whatever day of the week it is.
damn it...i so love this guy that i'm giving him all these chances even though i haven't gotten much from him. *sigh* if only he can read my blog...
i don't buy the excuse that he's not into facebook and other social networks when he updates his status on all 3 sites at the same time. so when i comment on his facebook and don't get a response, especially when the comment was directed at him, i feel like i'm being ignored. am i wrong to feel that way? i don't think there's a right or wrong answer to that question. it's just how i feel, so what? so if he's into me, he should try to not make me feel that way. that's my take on it.
he got home around 1am last night. before he even called, he was asking how late i'm staying up coz he needed to do something for his friends. what am i? second rate again? i would've appreciated it more if he called me for even less than 5 minutes, be real, be genuine that he wanted to spend that 5 minutes with ME, and tell me after that he'll have to hang up so he can finish what he needs to do. then i'd be okay. i won't feel ignored becoz he thought about me first. but he called me almost at the time i said i was gonna try to sleep, but he wasn't just talking to me. he was talking to me, talking to a friend and doing his friend's thing. that's not the type of attention that i want. i don't want to listen to him breathe as he's doing his stuff. i want to talk, even for 5 minutes...about us, about the future, about something.
he didn't sleep til 7am this morning, even though he has a meeting at 1pm today. why? he stayed up that long to finish that invitation he needed to do for his friend. i wish he would spend time like that to do something special for me. then maybe, i'll know for sure that he is into me and i can get back with him.
i'll see how he is with me on his days off this week. last week, he called on thu evening but it was so hard to talk to him. i told him we'll talk later since he's off. but he didn't allot any time for us to talk that friday and/or saturday. what i want to see this week, on his days off, is if he would try to call me some time -- during the day, afternoon or evening. that's one gauge for me that he can balance his time with his friends and his time with me whatever day of the week it is.
damn it...i so love this guy that i'm giving him all these chances even though i haven't gotten much from him. *sigh* if only he can read my blog...
Monday, May 17, 2010
when will life ever be so simple?
as mr D is placed under observation...another person comes along...we'll call him deutsche.
as i was mulling my future with mr D roughly 2 days after my vegas trip, a friend who i just happened to call asked me how my trip went. when he sensed that the trip didn't go as well as i'd hoped for, he asked me to just say hi to a friend of his that he met some time last year. this friend of his lives out of state (ugh, again) but comes here often to visit his family. and this guy liked me from the time he saw my pics on my friend's social network page.
and so i did say hi...messaged him on facebook that my friend asked me to say hi. he messaged back. we went back and forth a few times. that evening, we're already talking on the phone. he is open to finding someone for a relationship but at the same time, very careful not to rush things. i did tell him about mr D. it's nice to be open in that respect so no one gets hurt. and until i finalize things with mr D, i won't be entertaining any new boys for a relationship...but im open to having new friends with no other expectations but being friends.
i like him so far. and he's even volunteering to help me out if i decide to switch careers (which i'll discuss in another blog post). he's very responsive...but not predictable either, which is good. i wanna see how things go with mr D but stay friends with deutsche for as long as possible. that way, if anything comes up after the friendship, it will be well worth the wait.
as i was mulling my future with mr D roughly 2 days after my vegas trip, a friend who i just happened to call asked me how my trip went. when he sensed that the trip didn't go as well as i'd hoped for, he asked me to just say hi to a friend of his that he met some time last year. this friend of his lives out of state (ugh, again) but comes here often to visit his family. and this guy liked me from the time he saw my pics on my friend's social network page.
and so i did say hi...messaged him on facebook that my friend asked me to say hi. he messaged back. we went back and forth a few times. that evening, we're already talking on the phone. he is open to finding someone for a relationship but at the same time, very careful not to rush things. i did tell him about mr D. it's nice to be open in that respect so no one gets hurt. and until i finalize things with mr D, i won't be entertaining any new boys for a relationship...but im open to having new friends with no other expectations but being friends.
i like him so far. and he's even volunteering to help me out if i decide to switch careers (which i'll discuss in another blog post). he's very responsive...but not predictable either, which is good. i wanna see how things go with mr D but stay friends with deutsche for as long as possible. that way, if anything comes up after the friendship, it will be well worth the wait.
Friday, May 14, 2010
when is over over?
he called last night. i don't know if he read my message already or not, but it seems he has no clue. he was a little tipsy or buzzed, i can tell. he had friends over and they barely left his house after dinner.
we talked for quite some time (only because his dogs kept crying and being crazy and he had to keep them quiet). i was very calm in explaining my side. i kept asking him what he wants to do but we kept going around. he said he wants me, but should i just give myself back to him just like that? i think i want to see something different. i want to see him make some effort on his part to try to get me back without me having to tell him how to do it. i want him to be honest with himself and to me...that all his actions are genuine. i'm not sure either what he's gonna do or how he's gonna do it. but i'll see how it goes from here.
we talked for quite some time (only because his dogs kept crying and being crazy and he had to keep them quiet). i was very calm in explaining my side. i kept asking him what he wants to do but we kept going around. he said he wants me, but should i just give myself back to him just like that? i think i want to see something different. i want to see him make some effort on his part to try to get me back without me having to tell him how to do it. i want him to be honest with himself and to me...that all his actions are genuine. i'm not sure either what he's gonna do or how he's gonna do it. but i'll see how it goes from here.
an apology made out of love
even though our relationship has ended, i would hate for us to be mad at each other forever. i'm not mad anymore. i'm more disappointed that it didn't turn out the way i hoped it would. it's not the right time for me i guess, and maybe he's not the right person.
"mr D,
i just want to apologize for everything...i would hate to end us on a bad note.
i admit that my biggest mistake is having even the tiniest expectations. i realize it now and it's what you've been telling me all along but i'm just too stubborn, hard-headed and proud to admit it.
i still love u with all my heart, and that will never change. maybe this time is just not our time. i hope that someday when we see each other, we'll be okay. i don't want there to be any awkwardness on either of us.
i wish both of us the best of luck in whatever we do from this point forward. God Bless you and i love you.
jake"
it breaks my heart to say i love you to mr D because i know that i do mean it. i really, really want him back but if we are not getting along, i don't want to force it either. if he tries to come back to me, i'm still at a crossroads of what i'm gonna do when that time comes. can i promise to really not have any expectations at all? if i can't answer that question now, it's probably best to leave it the way it is now...for both of our sakes.
*listening to "Someday" by Rob Thomas
"mr D,
i just want to apologize for everything...i would hate to end us on a bad note.
i admit that my biggest mistake is having even the tiniest expectations. i realize it now and it's what you've been telling me all along but i'm just too stubborn, hard-headed and proud to admit it.
i still love u with all my heart, and that will never change. maybe this time is just not our time. i hope that someday when we see each other, we'll be okay. i don't want there to be any awkwardness on either of us.
i wish both of us the best of luck in whatever we do from this point forward. God Bless you and i love you.
jake"
it breaks my heart to say i love you to mr D because i know that i do mean it. i really, really want him back but if we are not getting along, i don't want to force it either. if he tries to come back to me, i'm still at a crossroads of what i'm gonna do when that time comes. can i promise to really not have any expectations at all? if i can't answer that question now, it's probably best to leave it the way it is now...for both of our sakes.
*listening to "Someday" by Rob Thomas
Thursday, May 13, 2010
how i wish people who i like feel like this
this is an email i got today from jello, a guy i dated some time in 2008...
"That's sucks jake i'm sorry to hear that..But you know what you were always smart. i can see you being a financial planner. A long distance for me is not going to workout... I am dating a guy but since i am leaving to Sacramento as soon as i sell my house, what's the point. He really likes me he is cute but I am not going to be driving from Sacramento to San Francisco to see some guy all the time... He says oh we can see each other on the weekends i'm like that is no relationship so i told him we can always be friends.... As for me i'm sick of my job my partner got his head beat to the concrete it could have been me i'm tired of it... So i bought a really nice house in sacramento. I paid cash for it and it will be nice not to have a house payment. i want to go travel for a long time and i want to go visit your country maybe i could bring one boi back since you don't like me anymore... lol U know with regards to me and you I pushed too hard trying to get with you, I should have been more patient with you. But i couldn't help it I think you are so hot...Sorry Anyways this is going to be my job... I am going to get my real estate license, and I am going to buy as many houses off the court house steps under market value. And pay cash with them from the money i made off my san francisco house.Then fix them up hire some mexicans at home depot and flip it i know i can make more money and make my own schedule doing this...And i will feel lilke i'm getting something done...Hey if you want to talk give me a call sometime I have always missed u"
i just want a simple life and spend with someone special who likes me for me and appreciates what i do for him. i hope it's not too much to ask for...
"That's sucks jake i'm sorry to hear that..But you know what you were always smart. i can see you being a financial planner. A long distance for me is not going to workout... I am dating a guy but since i am leaving to Sacramento as soon as i sell my house, what's the point. He really likes me he is cute but I am not going to be driving from Sacramento to San Francisco to see some guy all the time... He says oh we can see each other on the weekends i'm like that is no relationship so i told him we can always be friends.... As for me i'm sick of my job my partner got his head beat to the concrete it could have been me i'm tired of it... So i bought a really nice house in sacramento. I paid cash for it and it will be nice not to have a house payment. i want to go travel for a long time and i want to go visit your country maybe i could bring one boi back since you don't like me anymore... lol U know with regards to me and you I pushed too hard trying to get with you, I should have been more patient with you. But i couldn't help it I think you are so hot...Sorry Anyways this is going to be my job... I am going to get my real estate license, and I am going to buy as many houses off the court house steps under market value. And pay cash with them from the money i made off my san francisco house.Then fix them up hire some mexicans at home depot and flip it i know i can make more money and make my own schedule doing this...And i will feel lilke i'm getting something done...Hey if you want to talk give me a call sometime I have always missed u"
i just want a simple life and spend with someone special who likes me for me and appreciates what i do for him. i hope it's not too much to ask for...
back and forth no longer
as of 6:03am, may 13, 3 days after coming from vegas, mr D and i are no longer. 'nuff said.
*listening to..."How Can You Mend a Broken Heart"
*listening to..."How Can You Mend a Broken Heart"
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
i wonder if there is something wrong with me...
...and that's sad if there is. coz all this time, i think there's something wrong with these guys im dating.
with this book that my friend let me borrow, Get Anyone To Do Anything, it provides very useful insight into the human psyche. im going back to my past posts to see what i've done and what i'm thinking at that time. it just proves that because i so love mr D, i've always been there for him. he, on the other hand, may not be in love with me (even though he says he is) so the mere fact that im always here makes him take me for granted. i also get more scared that i might lose him so i make myself even more available. which now, i can tell, has the opposite effect.
so what now? i really...as in REALLY...have to suck it up and not be there all the time for him. i need distractions. i need a real job. this school thing that im doing is not enough to keep me occupied. im still home and my computer and phone are so accessible that i always tend to log in and look for him and his online accounts.
let me see if i can list the possible things that i can do in addition to studying for my upcoming state exam.
at this point that i think i may have already lost mr D's interest in me, it may be a good thing to try being inaccessible. but when i do become accessible or available, i should make him feel that i still do like him. another tip that the book mentioned is to not tell your significant other that "you can't live without them" or that "they're your world" because that gives them all the power. instead, use objective terms like, "you are a very likable person" or "you are someone that people could love very easily". by using objective terms, it's a win-win situation because you feel good about telling him that he is likable and handsome and what not and he feels good about himself as well.
*sigh* i really hope this works. if it does, the book mentioned that once the other person gets to your level, the more you do for him and the more you become available, the more he'll fall in love with you. i have a very good feeling that the book is right about this...at least based on my experience. when i give someone a "chance" and make myself available only when it's convenient for me, that's when they hound me more. so...i'll drink to this effort! and i'll update myself in a week or so to see if anything's changed.
with this book that my friend let me borrow, Get Anyone To Do Anything, it provides very useful insight into the human psyche. im going back to my past posts to see what i've done and what i'm thinking at that time. it just proves that because i so love mr D, i've always been there for him. he, on the other hand, may not be in love with me (even though he says he is) so the mere fact that im always here makes him take me for granted. i also get more scared that i might lose him so i make myself even more available. which now, i can tell, has the opposite effect.
so what now? i really...as in REALLY...have to suck it up and not be there all the time for him. i need distractions. i need a real job. this school thing that im doing is not enough to keep me occupied. im still home and my computer and phone are so accessible that i always tend to log in and look for him and his online accounts.
let me see if i can list the possible things that i can do in addition to studying for my upcoming state exam.
- look and apply for local jobs
- sign up at the local gym so i can go whenever without having to drive so far
- join several meetup groups in my area
- volunteer in my neighborhood
- run/walk around my neighborhood
- setup get together parties with friends
- plan for my future business activities
- stop logging in to facebook, twitter and yahoo to see if he's on...and unsubscribe to his posts
at this point that i think i may have already lost mr D's interest in me, it may be a good thing to try being inaccessible. but when i do become accessible or available, i should make him feel that i still do like him. another tip that the book mentioned is to not tell your significant other that "you can't live without them" or that "they're your world" because that gives them all the power. instead, use objective terms like, "you are a very likable person" or "you are someone that people could love very easily". by using objective terms, it's a win-win situation because you feel good about telling him that he is likable and handsome and what not and he feels good about himself as well.
*sigh* i really hope this works. if it does, the book mentioned that once the other person gets to your level, the more you do for him and the more you become available, the more he'll fall in love with you. i have a very good feeling that the book is right about this...at least based on my experience. when i give someone a "chance" and make myself available only when it's convenient for me, that's when they hound me more. so...i'll drink to this effort! and i'll update myself in a week or so to see if anything's changed.
Monday, May 10, 2010
has love come and gone?
it's my 12th day in las vegas...my last day with my "boyfriend". most of my stuff has been packed or getting ready to be packed in my 2 suitcases and backpack. the whole time i was packing though, my "boyfriend" would rather spend the last remaining hours of my stay watching tv with friends that he will still see...almost everyday if he wanted to.
i hope i won't feel like i've just wasted my time flying here, spending all my miles, spending all my time and energy and pouring love to someone who clearly may have fallen out of love already. or maybe he was not in love at all? infatuation? maybe. such a dangerous thing to confuse with love. every stakeholder gets affected.
*sigh* i wonder if i really am just over thinking everything. i wonder what i should do when i come back home. should i even make an effort anymore or wait for him to come to me? maybe the latter. but whenever he does, i'll make sure that he feels i still love him. this will be my last ditch attempt to rescue a relationship that i have thought all this time was really there.
i hope i won't feel like i've just wasted my time flying here, spending all my miles, spending all my time and energy and pouring love to someone who clearly may have fallen out of love already. or maybe he was not in love at all? infatuation? maybe. such a dangerous thing to confuse with love. every stakeholder gets affected.
*sigh* i wonder if i really am just over thinking everything. i wonder what i should do when i come back home. should i even make an effort anymore or wait for him to come to me? maybe the latter. but whenever he does, i'll make sure that he feels i still love him. this will be my last ditch attempt to rescue a relationship that i have thought all this time was really there.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
