on latter days, the movie

i haven't really seen too many gay-themed movies that are as interesting as regular movies. most gay movies that i've seen are over-the-top, sex- or drug-themed or just downright untrue. latter days, however, has a pretty cool storyline mixed with cool coincidences that are not far from happening in real life.

in the beginning of the movie, i thought it would be one of those other flicks that talk about looking good, going to the gym, all-night partying and after-party sex. i guess it's reality for some people just coming out and confused about what the gay community expects them to be. when someone comes along that's a little bit hard to get, the challenge starts. that's where the movie started getting more interesting.

in the gay world where it's so easy to get laid, it is refreshing to watch a movie like latter days that shows these things do have an end. that even the best looking and most popular gay boys who party all night will not want to party forever.

it's also cool for this movie to tackle the religion side. all too often, people who stick to their religious beliefs word for word eventually becomes hypocrites. it's true. how can someone who claims to be close to God tell other people that God hates them or does not accept them because of what they are? after all, if God did not like gay people, there won't be millions of gay boys and lesbian girls in existence. i'm going to blog later about how i would wish to mix spirituality and sexuality.

overall, i give this movie a 4.5 star rating. i would've given this a 5 if they picked a better looking main character.

most posts in a day...sounds like a mafia wars achievement

i just realized that my purpose for setting up this blog was to keep in touch with a guy who was miles away from me. i felt so much of a connection with this person that i decided that same day to set up this blog so he can get a glimpse of what my life is like on this side of the world and hear my thoughts on random stuff. too bad i didn't keep up the blogging. i missed telling him what happened to me in that 3 year gap. and now, i hardly even remember what happened to me during that time.

made me smile though after i re-read my first few posts with some comments from him. i never came across those comments before. i didn't really know how to use this blog thing back then. kinda sad to have lost touch with him. i dunno if he still remembers me...

a pattern of behavior emerges

my boy called me jack. i had to ask why, even though i really know the answer. i guess i just want to hear what someone has to say about me. it's always good to have a third person critique us from time to time.

usually, we're more critical of ourselves than others are of us. my criticism of me...it sucks to be smart+more. wondering about the +more? here, let me help you out.

• i'm attractive - the usual tall, dark and handsome guy next door (not Brad Pitt by all means but can turn heads here and there)
  
• i'm athletic - i was a jock during my entire school life
• i'm a good chef/cook - i can whip up a great dish for a main course or a few desserts

just looking at that, i think i have become a jack of all trades, but master of none. because of what i know (or think i know) my interests have varied wildly. one day, i would think about becoming a doctor. another day, a police officer. and yet another day, a businessman. what do i really want to become? beats me. if i know the answer to this question, i would've been doing something that i'm really passionate about by now. and with the least complaints.

not that i'm complaining now...but i seem to know a little bit of everything. and it is scary. i really don't know how to focus on one thing and stick with it. i'm scared that i would eventually be too old to go to school to earn a degree on something that i really like. or that it might be too late to switch to another career without jeopardizing my future retirement.

i'll try to analyze this eventually but for now i'll list some questions that i need to ask myself.

• do i care what other people really think about me?
• am i worried about the future more than the present?
• what have i done in the past that made me feel happy and fulfilled?
• what have i done in the past that made me feel otherwise?
• do i listen to others more than myself?
• what is it that i do best? worst?

i guess that's enough questions for now. i need some rest.

i did it...now what?

so last night, i talked to one of the bosses. i told him straight up that there is too much pressure to work long hours and that this may not be the best fit for me. i'm glad he appreciated my honesty. he actually thought i could be one of the better people there to succeed which was flattering...to a certain extent.

now what? he offered me to hang on as a part timer. they don't give me any more leads but i can still offer their products. sounds like a good compromise. pressure's gone. the trade-off? no more clients to see. i have to find my own. back to square one. it is a good compromise because now i have the flexibility to go to any interview for a new job anytime...at the same time, if i sell anything, i get to make a few more bucks before i commit to another 9-5 job.

...

on a different note, today was relaxing. my boy and i just drove around, shopped for food ingredients. after months of planning, i finally gathered enough strength to stop being lazy and tried something new with my cookie recipe. success! now i just have to buy a non stick cookie sheet to bake it on instead of wax paper so it doesn't stick and ruin the cookie bottom. my goal is to have at least 10 different but tasty variations of the cookie. the holidays are coming. i don't want to miss the joy of selling my cookies.

nice try

everything at work is supposed to be okay now...or so i hoped. after saying something about the uncomfortable things that people do, it seems that it has backfired somehow. on the outside, it looks like everyone's doing the right thing again. but i'm positive that deep inside, nothing has changed. they just have to be more quiet about it. i'm no stranger to tracking questionable activities. all i do is observe people's behavior and i can tell if something's going on.

another thing that's missing in this company is support. i have asked several times about supplies, information and alternative marketing tips. the only response i got is "keep calling, keep calling." jeez...i'm not about to waste my time calling people who i know for a fact will never knowingly pick up after i have called their phone 10 times or more in the past 2-3 days.

anyway, i might leave this new office as soon as possible. maybe i'll just relax while i'm looking for a real career. this time, i'm going for something that i know i could be passionate about.

i just need to kind of wing it by this week and wait til i get my check on monday. then let them know that "it was great working for you guys. but i don't think it's for me." we'll see how it goes.

am i being a pessimist?

oftentimes, i ask myself this question...am i being a pessimist? or do i just always wish that i live in utopia and that everything should work the way they're supposed to be?

the world is not perfect. i know that. but im not sure if it's just me or if it's everyone around me...but i always seem to notice defects in everything. whether it's about family, friends, work, neighbors, people, systems, or myself, i seem to alway find something wrong. i think i dwell on the negative too much that's why it bothers me a lot every time i think about it trying to analyze the situation. maybe i should learn to accept the fact that things could go wrong, and the best that i could do is deal with it in a very professional and tactful way.

in my previous blog, i wrote that i didn't like my new office. i dealt with the situation. big boss fixed it. hopefully now it's under control. someone else might get in trouble, but that definitely won't be me. in the first place, anything that's questionable should be questioned immediately. i'm glad i didn't let it linger for so long. i'm sure i might end up being the bad guy for saying something, but i would never let anyone push me to do something that i'm not comfortable doing. not anymore.

self-doubt erased

for a while, i thought there was something wrong with me when i couldn't sell much. i thought maybe my presentation skills were lacking or my close is horrible. turns out, i just didn't have the right tools.

all doubts have all but vanished about my ability to sell on a commission-only basis. as i have just started with my new company, the first 3 days out in the field i saw 9 sales come out of it. way to go! in a similar field just months ago, it took me almost 5 months just to squeeze 12 sales out of it, 2 of the sales being my own, and the rest were to friends.

i guess it does pay to invest in yourself. i invested so much time and energy listening to podcasts that are motivational and inspiring, most notably the sales gravy and zig ziglar podcasts. instead of listening to music when i drive to and from work or my appointments, i tune in to "automobile university" (as one podcast author referred to your own car as a tool for learning). i listen to the same ones over and over again so i can instill it in my head. it worked!

so now every time i have doubts about myself or my capabilities, all i need is to recall what's been said in those podcasts and apply it to my everyday situations.

on a different note...i don't like this new office very much either. i think it will be on my next blog. i'll explain further why since i have to go to the office and deal with it.