the final convos

me: u just made me realize that i can't keep investing any more feelings on someone who's very uninterested in my life. i've been very sad lately and i don't see u trying any harder at making me feel less sad. i want to move on with whatever pride i have left. i gave up my body, my heart, my soul, my all. but u don't seem to value any of that.

mr D: i love u jake...but it amazes me that u say that i dont care.. i know that i have to work on a lot.. but regardless on what i do it's never enough coz u always seem to remind me that my trying is not enough. u expect a lot more out of me...and i guess it's because i don't show enough emotion or responsiveness but that's partly coz im not good at it (anymore)...i lost that these past couple of years...but that's not an excuse...and im sorry...i think that i cause u more sadness than happiness and that saddens me...because honestly that's the last thing i want to do.

me: its not an excuse that u dont know how, coz u do know how. u have been doing it before i went to vegas. how rayray is now is how we were before. something changed and u dont wanna admit it. u say one thing, but u act another way. u say u love me, but u say u dont know what u can do to show me when all u needed to do was get me a plastic ring when i was there as a symbol of that love and "engagement". u say u miss me but u haven't even talked to me abt when we're gonna meet again. u think a long distance relationship is a simple, no expectations thing...but no expectations don't mean ur not gonna do anything either. i've given up so much time for u, talking and stuff for hours while ur at work but on ur days off u can't even fit me in a 5 min phone call, but rather just text. u told me on text that i better tell everyone im yours, coz u r telling everyone, but when i "professed" my love for u on ur fb page, u didn't even acknowledge it. u think ur interested in my life, but u didn't even listen to the songs i posted on my page that was meant for u, for us. u say u sacrifice a lot, but u would spend 6 hours and sacrifice sleep making a friend something special for his bday...how i wished u couldve helped me with setting up my event like u said u would even for maybe an hour or less. this guy i dated over 2 years ago msgd me that he has missed me all this time, i only wished i have that effect on u just like before i came to vegas. so many opportunities for u to show me u love me and miss me, but im tired of waiting for it to come...u haven't even wondered why i never left clothes at ur place even though i mentioned i would. *sigh* i hoped for so long that when i talk to u, it would be like before, that u would get excited and happy i called instead of being an emotionless person u r now...but i can only hope...