a poem i wrote about how deutsche might feel

Will the Coming Days Pass Me By Without Your Love?
by Jake

I've longed for you, all this time
but never did i say a word, figured you'd frown
until a subtle message arrived, after months gone by
from you, a person i've always admired, a person i'd like to love.

what started from a message, turned into conversations
it lasted for hours and continued on for days
your voice, so gentle, so masculine, so true
a soothing and caressing sound that moves.

i saw you from afar, but i knew i won't matter
until i try to come and heal your broken heart
i arrived at your door, realized how true a person you are
wondered when i'll be able to call you mine.

would you think of me and tell me good morning when u wake up?
would your laughter be the same without mine?
will my days be as exciting without the adventures you have in mind?
will the coming days pass me by without your love?

when i left confused, i longed for you ever more
i waited for your return, hoping that your heart tags along
after obstacles threatened your arrival, i welcomed you with open arms
with a leap of faith, i took a risk, professed my love in ways i know best.

wanting, hoping, praying, longing, every minute and every second
seemed like eternity waiting for the words to come
and now you leave me, with nothing more than an empty heart
to go back where you came from and start a new beginning.

would my nights ever be the same without you by my side?
would you long for my warm body next to yours as you retire?
would my house ever become a home, without the sound of you prancing about?
will the coming days pass me by without your love?

flight out of florida - the beginning of the end?

my trip has come to an end. here i am, sitting at the airport in orlando, waiting to board. i got dropped off about 2 hours ago by deutsche who, until the last minute has been attempting to make me agree to be in a relationship. he even quipped about a netflix type deal where we can be on a 2-week trial. i laughed my ass off. at the same time, i got worried -- more for him because he's here by himself with no family for support.

what to do...what to do...i know i can't commit to another long distance relationship after a failed one. the distance will kill me...and i might not be as faithful as i would like to be, especially since i don't love him yet. i think it's better this way. we're not official yet. but the door is still open. i would really like us to be good friends even if we don't end up together.

this florida trip is a mixed bag of feelings...from guilt, to happiness, to sadness. but i'm glad i came out or else i would have committed myself again to someone i don't love...settling for someone instead of being with someone.