if u love someone, u gotta learn to let them go

and this time, i'm following my own advice.

i let mr D go today. we're both not financially ready to make a major move to make things work. emotionally, even though i'm ready, i know he's not. he has way more issues to deal with than me. his friends are his life and for me to try to compete for a little attention, it just won't work for me. it would be different if we lived together and he would go with his friends. i'll know he's still coming home to me and i won't feel bad at all with him hanging with friends. it was a very hard decision to make. but one i feel like i have to make now or never. i don't want to have to feel like crap every time he takes forever to respond to me when he's out with friends.

so officially, we're just friends now. i asked him to reserve the phone kisses and the sweetness for later. when he's ready and i'm still available, get at me then. if i'm not available, then we'll just be friends for real. it is a big risk he has to take. now that alex is trying to be a part of my life, mr D will have a harder time by the time he feels he's ready. it doesn't help either that i might not see him this month at all since it will be way too expensive for me to party with him and my best friend. he said maybe not til after may. that's way too long for me. i already wanted to see him in person before so we can tell if there's chemistry or not before we proceed further.

honestly though, if he refused to be let go and promised me instead that things will be different from now on, i would've accepted him 100% and from here, start the process of making "us" work. but he didn't. that just confirms what i've felt all this time about him not being ready.