damn it, i'm still sad

i'm so heartbroken...damn it! damn it! damn it! why did i ever let myself go?

*sigh* i hope this doesn't last forever coz it's worse now that i'm not doing much. i still look at mr D's pictures and his formspring...even though it hurts every time. i deleted his facebook profile and all his messages and pictures on my phone so i don't go crazy looking at them and hurting myself in the process. i hope it comes sooner rather than later that i can learn to accept the fact that it just would not have worked. and maybe then, i can learn to be friends with him. *heavier sigh*

* * *

on a nice note, i apologized to my friend for being a little mean to him. this is what i wrote..."Sorry if i was being mean last time. I just have a lot of things on my mind. I really would've loved to celebrate and party but since I don't see it happening, maybe we'll do something small here. Don't worry abt not greeting me on my bday. Ur right abt that, that we weren't in touch. I was just being the big bitch that u were supposed to be lol."

i have forgotten what it was like to apologize. it makes me feel better when i do it. i should try to do it more often coz lately im starting to feel a little more negativity than usual. im sure it has a lot to do with my career and my love life. i just don't know why i feel so poor when i still have some savings left to keep me solvent for another 5-6 months.