wednesday midnight was the last time i heard from mr D. didn't message him at all thursday-saturday. i was determined to just wait until he sends me a message in order to keep that "friendship for now" thing going. was he on my mind? definitely. it seems every minute of those days, i was thinking about him -- if he's with his friends, if he's getting enough sleep, if he's thinking about me, if he's angry at me for not saying good morning when i woke up on thursday, and a whole slew of other stuff. but for my sake, i figured i have to do this.
* * *
feb 13...i went to see my bestfriend around the afternoon and we were gonna hang out the whole weekend to celebrate vday (or valentine's day). i got there early. we walked to the gym, walked back to his place to change, had a nice healthy Subway sandwich for dinner, went out shopping for stuff for his place and then went back home to set everything up. by the time we're done, it was almost midnight. i wondered if we can still stay awake to play games. i'm glad we did have some time left. didn't get to shower anymore coz it was really late. i feel stinky but i'm glad i wasn't. yay!
feb 14...valentine's day. or singles' day for me (and my bestfriend). we woke up pretty early for sleeping late. first thing we did before breakfast? played a few rounds of Monopoly on Wii. (it was a very fun game actually, even though i played it so many times as a kid.) then we're off to IHOP for brunch. a little weird coz it's vday and i'm sure it's either family vday or lovers vday. but there we were, bestfriends celebrating it. haha. fun nonetheless. i sent mr D a msg simply saying "happy vday! hope ur alive and kicking!". no response.
feb 14...evening...i got back home finally. i was gonna stay one more night but i still felt kinda crappy. i kinda want to finish off vday celebrating me. as usual, i opened my facebook to play Mafia Wars for a bit, and there it was, a message from mr D, sent feb 13 evening. (the message exchange was few, but long, so i'll put it on another blog post. i think it's too big for this one now.)
i've been single every valentine's day, every year of my adult life. i've had relationships before but they just happen to start after valentine's day, or end just before this special day. i'm kinda used to being alone. it just sucks to feel like that every time. i know that i can handle being by myself, but the thought of being by myself for all years to come scares me, especially being as i am --a gay person who's never gonna get married to a girl and have a family and normal life. being gay is the most normal i could ever be and i have to live with it til i die. *sigh for real*
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