florida bound in june

deutsche wants me to come to florida before he comes in july. i think he may be falling for me already...which is again, very dangerous because of my previous experiences with people falling for me so fast, then falling out of love even faster...leaving me alone again.

i think i'll do it the right way this time. being careful not to let myself completely go but at the same time showing respect for deutsche's feelings. i think i can fall for deutsche if he does the right things too. when i look at him, i can see myself being with him. he's not ugly, he's actually quite charming, very nice and loving (as i saw how he was with his family) and he's very generous. the generous thing i really couldn't care much for. sometimes it's even awkward for me to let someone pay all the time. but he knows my situation so i guess it's okay. but i told him i can't live like that. i need my own thing...my own career, my own money...just in case it doesn't work out again, i won't be left standing out in the cold with no money in my pocket and no job to call my own.

so...june 22...my first exam date for my series 7 state license...is my make or break point. if i pass it, i'll end up staying in cali. i'll need to pass one more exam, the series 66, in order to get hired at the financial planning company i'm thinking about joining. i'm also in the process of looking for a job in the meantime...and if i do get hired, i'll be part time first at the financial planning company while building my book of business. that way, when i start going full time, i can go with a bang! but if i can't get a job by then, i'll have to stick it out full time and make it work for me. deutsche may have to be extra patient with me because i'll have to stay in cali to finish what i started. i'll be in control of my time but i'll have to use it wisely. he can come visit here and i'll make time for him though. that's easier for me to do rather than pack up and go on a vacation to see him out in florida.

so we'll see what happens. in the meantime, i have to study really really hard to pass my series 7 exam. i can't be lazy. i have to make sure that i put in 100% effort into it. otherwise, it's going to be entirely my fault if things don't go as well.