from my previous blog, one of the people i sent a hello message to was this guy (we'll call him knox for now) that i met a few months before i started talking to my current boyfriend (we'll call him dj). i met knox online when he was still in a relationship. i was looking for a friend/relationship, he was looking for friendship. he just moved to the area. i remember that we talked for almost 3 hours online about random things, not mentioning once that i found him very attractive (to respect his relationship).
a few months later, knox broke up with his boyfriend. at the same time, i started talking to dj because knox and i weren't really talking much after our chat. one day i think in one of our random conversations, i mentioned something about the breakup that knox didn't like. and he didn't respond. i thought he got upset but i didn't care much if he did because i was too caught up with dj now. then dj and i got together and totally forgot about knox.
from that point on til 8 months later, a lot of things happened in my life. i quit my job to start a new one. that didn't work out so i quit that and started another one. the work hours (plus a host of other problems i discussed in previous blogs) weren't working for me so i quit that one too. then the breakup happened. sent knox a hello message and he responded. i guess he still remembers me somehow, or he was just being polite, who knows.
dj and i have gotten back together since that hello message. knox and i also have gotten back in touch again. reminiscent of our prior 3 hour long online chat, we have exchanged approximately 700+ random messages. we have talked about a variety of different things, from travelling and family to boys and made up stories. the conversation seem more open now between knox and i. i did confirm that he is still single. and we are meeting for lunch tomorrow.
a big question hangs above my head...is it possible to fall for someone after only 5 days of random messaging? right now, it is only a question. i know that knox is very attractive and totally my type. i still have to get to know him as a person to see if we can even get along as friends. i have to admit...i do get excited every time i receive a message from him. if he does ask about me, i will tell him the truth that i am in relationship again, though shaky now after the breakup. i guess my approach to knox will be that of friendship. i think that will be the best way for him to open up to me, and me to him.
who am i kidding? is this my way of testing the waters? was i using my personal problems as an excuse as to why i still haven't felt love for dj? should i let him go? i was going to wait til after the holidays because it might seem cruel to break up before Christmas. but at the same time, is it more cruel to wait til after Christmas if i know that i feel no love for dj? i mean, i did ask him to do things i might like and he voluntarily took the risk of me not reciprocating still. is it fair for knox if i would hold back now?
i'll have to wait til i see knox tomorrow. if the energy is there, i think it would be prudent and wise to let dj go. almost a year has passed and i don't think i should waste any more time if knox could be the one i was waiting for all this time. it might be worth it for me to take a risk with knox and at the same time, keep the friendship with dj. i've seen too many happy endings. I think it's time for me to make my own.
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