another week of school is over

thursday night...i'm home, tired, alone but i feel great! i can breathe a sigh of relief now that another week of school is done. i did pretty well this week. we had a midterm game for our economics class and i got the third highest place. so that means i got a lot of extra credits! yey! for spanish class we had another exam this week i believe i did pretty well too.

ever since school started in august, it has been a challenge to get by week after week. i was talking to one of my classmates and he feels the same way. i feel like during tuesday thru thursday night, i'm in a dream. coz i work during the day for a full 9 hours including my lunch, and then rush to school at night until 9:30 or 10:00pm. sometimes, i hardly feel anything anymore. i feel like i'm rushing to get past the days. nevertheless, i still feel like im making progress because im still doing pretty well in my classes and retaining a lot of the information im learning. i guess the focus that i have right now is very strong that i havent really let anything get in the way of breaking it.

one of the biggest challenges this past week though was this boy that i was kinda dating. nothing was really etched in stone between us. we were just chillin, hanging out, i guess in the process, getting to know each other. we see each other almost everyday just because we live really close by. one day this week though, after i left his house, i had a hunch that he might go into a chat room, for whatever reason. so i got home, logged in using a different name, and voila! he was in there. i asked him if he went back to bed or if he went jogging, and he said he went jogging. after a couple of messages though he said he didnt go jogging but he took a nap and he wasn't online. fact of the matter is, i saw him there and i dont think i was mistaken at all. we weren't committed yet so that really shouldn't matter. but the fact that he had to lie about something gave me jitters. i don't feel like im ready to take a risk of giving myself to someone that i already caught lying to me from the beginning.

was i wrong in cutting him off? did i over react? maybe, maybe not. it was a white lie to cover something up. that something is what freaks me out because it's unknown. and at this point, i just don't feel like it's worth it for me to even take that risk. he's a nice guy so we might still be friends after we talk through this. but in the short run, im saying for sure that thats how far it will go. my goals come first, relationships come second.

i've been alone for years, and im not about to rush into something that i might regret.